New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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