when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
