I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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