Buhtt sex?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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