Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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