the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
