i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
