I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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