When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
