I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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