We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
