Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
