$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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