I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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