I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
