$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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