so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
