My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
