Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
