I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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