Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
