obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
