I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
