Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
