yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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