I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
