Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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