my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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