Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
