Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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