I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
