dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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