i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
