im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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