I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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