I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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