ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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