the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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