Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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