God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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