Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
