my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
