i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
