Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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