very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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