walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
