I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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