laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I want a musical about memes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
