the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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