i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
