I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
