...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
