Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
