Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
