Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
